Therapist Thoughts: Your Therapist Gets It About People-Pleasing
Let’s be real: People-pleasing isn’t just a habit; it’s a full-time job that never pays well. And here’s the plot twist— I get it because I’ve been there, too (yep, me!). The need to make everyone happy runs deep, and breaking free from it isn’t easy. But the journey is worth it.
Let’s talk about where this comes from, why it’s so hard to let go, and how you can start prioritizing yourself without spiraling into guilt.
People-pleasing often starts in childhood. Maybe you learned that keeping the peace was the safest way to get through the day, or perhaps you were praised for being the “good kid.” Fast forward to adulthood, and those patterns are still hanging on.
Signs You’re People Pleasing:
You say “yes” when your gut is screaming “no.”
You worry endlessly about what others think of you.
You feel guilty for having needs or boundaries.
You replay conversations, hoping you didn’t upset anyone.
You deeply fear disappointing or letting someone down.
Why It’s So Hard to Stop
Because people-pleasing isn’t just about wanting to be liked. It’s about avoiding rejection, conflict, and the deep discomfort that comes with putting yourself first. But here’s the thing: Constantly prioritizing others can leave you feeling resentful, burnt out, and totally disconnected from your own needs.
How to Start Shifting This Pattern
Pause and Reflect: Before agreeing to something, take a breath and check in with yourself. “Do I really want to do this, or am I just avoiding conflict?”
Set Micro-Boundaries: You don’t have to go from people-pleaser to boundary queen overnight. Start small, like saying, “Let me think about it” instead of committing right away.
Get Comfortable Being Uncomfortable: Saying “no” will feel weird and even guilt-inducing at first. But remember, growth happens outside your comfort zone.
You’re not going to wake up one day and magically stop caring what others think. But little by little, you can start prioritizing your peace. And trust me, it’s worth it. Even your therapist is working on it.
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👋 Follow @holistictherapywithsabrina to learn more about EMDR and healing your inner child, from a therapist who truly gets it.
About the author: Sabrina Cruz, LCSW, RYT-200 is a psychotherapist and yoga teacher who truly values holistic care. She supports women to break free from people-pleasing and unapologetically embody their light. HHWS specializes in people pleasing, anxiety, and childhood wounds to help you heal from trauma, reparent your inner child, and embrace your authentic self.
This blog post is for informational purposes only and does not substitute for mental health or medical advice.