Holistic Therapy for Overcoming Self-Abandonment and People-Pleasing with Paige Bond, LMFT
Read the full post here on Paige Bond’s website:
Host, therapist, and non monogamy coach Paige Bond is joined by Sabrina Rodorigo, a licensed clinical social worker, yoga teacher, and Reiki practitioner.
Ever wondered why you get that pit in your stomach when you commit to something you secretly resented doing? Or feel like you go above and beyond in your relationships just to keep the peace? You might even feel guilty for resting on the rare occasion you do take care of yourself.
Sabrina shares how to release bodily emotions from childhood trauma, people-pleasing, self abandonment, and holistic healing. Sabrina shares insights into the interconnectedness of mind, body, and spirit and explains how modalities like yoga and Reiki can help in trauma recovery.
This episode also gets into setting boundaries, cultivating self compassion, and practical tips for balancing personal care with external demands. Tune in to learn actionable steps to create a healthier, more fulfilling life and relationships.
01:37 How holistic like reiki healing can help heal trauma
04:36 Why you self-abandon and people please
05:33 Chakra system and emotional blockages
09:51 How we’re trained to people-please
14:30 Opting out of urgency
20:38 Dealing with resistance and acceptance
35:12 Biggest takeaways
Learn about Sabrina
“I guide spiritually seeking women to release bodily emotions from childhood wounds and connect back to their body in mind, body, and spirit. My practice focuses on supporting women to free themselves from patterns that are holding them back and embrace their authentic selves. Often my clients are struggling with people-pleasing, anxiety, and side-effects from trauma.”
Connect with Sabrina
Offers: Psychotherapy, Somatic and Holistic Coaching, Business Coaching, Yoga and Reiki Sessions
Website:https://www.holistichealingwellnesswithsabrinallc.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/holistichealingwithsabrina/
Cultivating Resiliency Through the 7 Chakras for Mental Health Professionals Course: https://www.holistichealingwellnesswithsabrinallc.com/resiliency-through-the-7-chakras-for-mental-health-professionals
Harmony Within: Beginner-Friendly Meditation Course: https://www.holistichealingwellnesswithsabrinallc.com/courses
Connect with Paige Bond
Instagram: @paigebondcoaching
Facebook: @paigebondcoaching
TikTok: @paigebondcoaching
Website: https://paigebond.com
Paige Bond hosts the Stubborn Love podcast, is a Licensed Marriage Therapist, and a Polyamory Relationship Coach. Her mission is to help people-pleasing millennials navigate non-monogamy so they can tame their jealousy and love with ease. Her own journey from feeling lonely, insecure, and jealous to feeling empowered and reassured is what fuels her passion to help other people-pleasers to conquer jealousy and embrace love.
Free Jealousy Workbook:
http://www.paigebond.com/calm-the-chaos-jealousy-workbook-download
Free People Pleasing Workbook:
https://www.paigebond.com/people-pleasing-workbook
Disclaimer: This podcast and communication through our email are not meant to serve as professional advice or therapy. If you are in need of mental health support, you are encouraged to connect with a licensed mental health professional to receive the support needed.
Mental Health Resources: National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255SAMHSA’s National Helpline: 1-800-662-HELP (4357)Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741 for free, 24/7 crisis counseling.
Intro music by Coma-Media on pixabay.com
Transcript
(generated by AI - please excuse errors)
Introduction and Guest Introduction
[00:00:42] Paige Bond, LMFT, Non Monogamy Coach: Welcome back to another episode of stubborn love. I'm your host, Paige Bond. And today we have a very special guest, Sabrina Rodorigo. They are a licensed clinical social worker, registered yoga teacher and Reiki practitioner. And we are going to dive into talking about how to release bodily emotions from childhood wounds.
And we'll probably touch on things like people pleasing, self abandonment, and all things related to healing holistically. So I'm so excited that you are here today, Sabrina. I know we've been talking a lot and getting really excited and pumped for this episode. I know we share a lot of love for the particular clientele that we both see.
So can you introduce yourself to listeners? Let them know who you are and how you got into the field before we dive into the topics today?
Sabrina's Journey into Holistic Healing
[00:01:37] Sabrina Rodorigo, LCSW, RYT-200, Reiki II: Sure. Yeah, absolutely. Thank you for having me, Paige. I'm Sabrina, licensed clinical social worker, yoga teacher, and Reiki practitioner. I got into the field back in college.
I loved working with youth who had experienced trauma throughout their lives. And over time, I realized the reason it resonated with me so much is because I shared many common experiences with these youth that once felt normal. And as I progressed through social work school and other different internship opportunities, I realized at the core of so many mental experiences, whether it be anxiety, depression, or even people pleasing was trauma and how pervasive it was something we've all unfortunately experienced some, of course, more than others. And what got me interested in the holistic side of things was my own personal journey on trauma recovery, noticing how yoga and Reiki really supported me and navigating some difficult times.
And more importantly, that. noticing the limitations of just taking a clinical approach to mental health. In my philosophy, the mind, body, and spirit are very much connected. So it didn't make quite sense to just take a 110 percent clinical route to treating trauma when we see that so much is stored within the body.
[00:03:04] Paige Bond, Relationship Expert: Ooh, I'm so excited to talk a little bit more about that because talk therapy is a lot different than moving your body with yoga or breathing deeply or doing the energy side of Reiki.
Understanding Reiki and Its Role in Trauma Healing
[00:03:16] Paige Bond, Relationship Expert: So since you are a Reiki practitioner, can you tell listeners a little bit more about what Reiki is and how that is incorporated into trauma healing.
[00:03:27] Sabrina Rodorigo, LCSW, RYT-200, Reiki II: Of course. So Reiki, for those unfamiliar with it, it works with the seven chakra system, which if you've attended a yoga class, you've likely heard something about the root or maybe the heart space. But not only is it working with the seven chakras, we have hundreds throughout the body. And it's also going to support our subtle body layers that are of the mental body, physical, spiritual, and emotional.
So with that, Reiki is an extremely intelligent energy. It doesn't know past, present, or future. So any healing that is done in this moment, it's also going to kind of have like a domino effect on some energetic blockages from the past, just like trauma healing can do through EMDR processing or art therapy.
Like I know that, that you love practicing and the Reiki will flow until it's, it's really complete and that balancing, so it can go into the future and in that way.
[00:04:24] Paige Bond, Relationship Expert: That sounds so rad. I love it. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm trying to think of like a typical session, but I'm getting ahead of myself.
Exploring Self-Abandonment and People Pleasing
[00:04:36] Paige Bond, Relationship Expert: Cause I want to see if we can dive into a little bit more of the self abandonment aspects and how this shows up in people's relationships.
When, when people come to see you for therapy, Do they know that what they're bringing with them is this self abandonment, this people pleasing, or does it show up and you kind of identify that together in your work?
[00:04:58] Sabrina Rodorigo, LCSW, RYT-200, Reiki II: Yeah, that's a good question. I would say it really depends on the client. For the most part, the average client that comes in and is interested in having a session together is very aware that there is a blockage of some kind there.
Maybe they're not feeling fully passionate about the life they're living. Maybe they have this notion that they're putting everyone else first ahead of their own needs. Other times it might be more subtle and, and we build that awareness together through different things. They, they may report that they've gone through things that are happening in their current life.
Chakra System and Emotional Blockages
[00:05:33] Sabrina Rodorigo, LCSW, RYT-200, Reiki II: I really like to use the chakra system combined with Western psychology to just notice where some of these blockages come from. So just a quick dive through is all about like safety, basic needs. The sacral is all about creativity, emotion, sensuality. Solar plexus is about confidence, willpower, hearts, connection, love, compassion.
Throat communication, authentic expression, third eye, intuition, trusting self, trusting others, and then the crown is all about a connection to something bigger than you. So whether that's a spiritual or religious connection or nature, things like that. So By looking at different life experiences and how someone may relate to any of those main characteristics, we can start to see where the blocks are emotionally, physically, spiritually, and how they might be self abandoning intentionally or unintentionally as well.
[00:06:33] Paige Bond, Relationship Expert: As you were going through the different chakras, I was kind of doing a mental checklist in my head of like, when I was really struggling with people pleasing in my life, I'm like, yep, that chakra was out of whack, that chakra was out of whack. So we would have had a lot of work to do together. Yeah.
Starting the Healing Journey
[00:06:53] Paige Bond, Relationship Expert: So what, what is like the first step to like beginning that journey of healing?
Like you incorporate these modalities as a holistic sense. So where do you start? Do you start with the talk therapy? Do you start with the the Reiki healing? How does it go?
[00:07:10] Sabrina Rodorigo, LCSW, RYT-200, Reiki II: Yeah, it really depends on what the client is looking for. I would say generally speaking, we will start with developing the therapeutic rapport, getting to know each other, And really breaking it down to what has happened that's caused them to seek services.
And most importantly, what are they hoping to get out of the therapeutic relationship? And a lot of times people know that they want to feel joyous that they want to be free and liberated from any traumatic or stressful life experiences. Other times, people just don't know.
And I think this is a wonderful time to Really encourage self empowerment and guiding someone that they have the ability to create this life and reality. They want for themselves. So throughout that process of report developing chakra assessment, obviously looking at mental health symptoms that come with stress, anxiety and trauma.
The Reiki and the yoga and other somatic practices really come in as grounding techniques to build up someone's coping skills in order to process trauma at a deeper level. And from there, maybe at the end of session, we'll spend sometimes 10 minutes, sometimes 20 minutes grounding with one of those modalities to just further bring the client back into the present moment.
And other times clients might arrive to session and feel like they really just need to meditate. Or breathe or receive Reiki or move their body. So it's different every time though. Trauma processing is usually the main focus or we have longer, more intensive sessions.
[00:08:46] Paige Bond, Relationship Expert: Mm, that makes a lot of sense with, you know, having the fact of it being one, there's really no like actual set up map of what to do because you never know what they're feeling that day.
And I really love how you can take some of these and use them as the grounding skills and it sounds like they can use that even outside of session when they're not having that direct work with you.
[00:09:11] Sabrina Rodorigo, LCSW, RYT-200, Reiki II: Oh, yes, absolutely. Every tool used is meant to be taken out of the session room and that we have a guide map and a target plan of where we're going to process with the arm really big on meeting the client where they're at.
So, of course, we know if they want to overcome people pleasing and self abandonment and other things they've experienced. There is going to be a little bit of heavy lifting work with with trauma processing. That's not an easy feat by any means. But of course, we take each session meeting them where they're at.
So if like I said, if they need a little bit more to be present, then we're going to follow with where they're at, because that's how it's going to truly be the most effective.
Navigating Boundaries and Self-Compassion
[00:09:51] Paige Bond, Relationship Expert: When we think of people pleasing. I'm wondering What you've seen in your experience, the messages that people get growing up in their life to contribute to this act of people pleasing in everyday situations?
[00:10:06] Sabrina Rodorigo, LCSW, RYT-200, Reiki II: Yeah, oh gosh, there's so many messages, right? From the media to our communities to our families to our own culture and backgrounds. I think so much of it, people don't realize that these messages, Are so prevalent. I've heard people sometimes say, well, no one ever told me that I had to do this. Right.
And I'm sure you've heard that, that too, and your work. And the truth is no one had to directly tell you it was perpetuated. And one of the biggest things I love doing with clients is breaking down the purpose of people pleasing because a lot of times people, people, people, people pleasing. People come with this notion that people pleasing is really helpful and is meant to do good with others, which isn't in part true, but there's also that kind of extrinsic reward of.
gaining worthiness or gaining some type of credibility of helping that person because sometimes the consequence of saying no or not doing a certain thing might lead to a lot of feelings of shame or guilt or fear that they're going to be seen as less than or unworthy. So I really like to unpack both pros and cons because the people pleasing has clearly served them to some degree, but often it's doing more harm than good.
[00:11:34] Paige Bond, Relationship Expert: At what point would someone who doesn't really know that they're people pleasing, like they're not familiar with the word, they're not familiar with like their own self awareness, at what point would someone realize that it is a problem for them? How does it show up?
[00:11:49] Sabrina Rodorigo, LCSW, RYT-200, Reiki II: Yeah, I think generally telltale signs would be if someone is experiencing exhaustion symptoms similar to burnout, whether it's starting to become resentful towards their job, their partner or partners.
Their friends, family, maybe feeling a lack of energy, demotivated, feeling just a lot of uncomfortable emotions or physical sensations when they are repetitively engaging in something that they know that they don't want to do. I would say also if someone is kind of in this inner conflict of, I want to help this person, but I really don't want to really having a ton of different parts activated and, Feeling stuck and paralyzed by those decisions.
There's so many signs. What do you typically see with your clients or just in general at, at large when it comes to people pleasing those big telltale signs?
[00:12:45] Paige Bond, Relationship Expert: Yeah, all of what you said. Check, check, check for sure. And I also like to really nail down the main feeling is like the sense of resentment, but it's like resentment for the other person and almost a self resentment because then they start to realize they're almost doing it to themselves and they're like in this place of conflict of, they want to be helpful or they want to be, The good child or the good partner or whatever, you know, role that they're playing and really struggling with, but they also want to take care of themselves.
And they're realizing that that's actually. At war with each other. They're not going to help each other. And they're realizing that something needs to give. But again, they don't know what, they don't know how. They don't know where to start. So yeah,
[00:13:34] Sabrina Rodorigo, LCSW, RYT-200, Reiki II: oh yes, check, check, check to all of that. Definitely that resentment towards the person, place, or thing can quickly be flipped internally, and there can be more guilt and shame that comes along.
With that in our conflict too, and also elements of perfectionism of wanting to be like the good employee or partner or friend, like you mentioned, because I think in our society, we do have an urgency culture and kind of a hustle culture where a lot of these things are celebrated and rewarded. So going against the status quo and deciding to choose yourself can be very scary and isolating because fear might be behind that driving well, what is this person going to think of me? Or how are they going to respond to me? Or am I still going to have that job or the partner or this or that if I start choosing myself?
[00:14:30] Paige Bond, Relationship Expert: And I even think about this has been a big theme for just something that's been on my mind lately is the concept of FOMO, fear of missing out.
And it's like, okay, if I take care of myself, I fear missing out on whatever XYZ opportunity of the urgency could give me. And I've been unraveling and it's a journey my own people pleasing patterns and realizing I really love the slow trickle in simple. I don't know much about his life or or about him as a person, but I think of like simple as Jimmy Buffett, like chillin on a beach, just no care in the world laid back. And I'm like, Oh, I want to soak into that. And that is like such the opposite of people pleasing and keeping up with that urgency. And so What would you say to someone, like, as one of maybe some quick tips, I know it's not quick, but like, like, some good starting points, right?
To, to start breaking away that sense of urgency with these kinds of things.
[00:15:38] Sabrina Rodorigo, LCSW, RYT-200, Reiki II: Yeah, I think I think the first tip would be just noticing when that urgency arises and where it's coming from. I think if it's coming from an internal demand, if it's coming from an external person or deadline, or maybe if it's kind of like a mental deadline, we're putting on it.
I apologize for any background noise. There's a siren passing by. But I think just that awareness of. Noticing where that comes from and If you maybe thinking if you could respond anyway, how would you so if you could have that Jimmy Buffett chillin on the beach, no care in the world, would you take that?
And how would you create it? And what are some things that are holding you back from that? But approaching that with non, with non judgment and from a place of compassion, because the second we start to shame ourselves for doing X, Y, and Z, it's, it's not really solving our problems, right? So those would be my main two tips, just bringing that awareness in, and then approaching it without judgment as much as possible, and maybe even talking to a therapist or a loved one about those experiences.
And we all go through, through these things.
[00:16:54] Paige Bond, Relationship Expert: Yeah, always, always. And I'm so glad you brought up the concept of compassion, self compassion specifically because I wanted to talk about that too because I think of that when I think of integrating these more holistic modalities, especially in like yoga. When I do yoga, I really love the yin yoga.
Again, you take longer time in the postures. Makes sense. Again, it's the Jimmy Buffett style in me.
[00:17:23] Sabrina Rodorigo, LCSW, RYT-200, Reiki II: Totally using that in the next yoga class. Jimmy Buffet!
[00:17:26] Paige Bond, Relationship Expert: Good, good. In those moments, You're really directed to go into like that inner world to really find peace for yourself, to really take care of yourself.
And I'm really wondering how you might introduce the concept of self compassion to someone who isn't really even familiar with it. Again, as a people pleaser, always putting needs above everybody else, not really paying much attention to, or being kind to yourself. So where do you start if you don't know how?
[00:18:00] Sabrina Rodorigo, LCSW, RYT-200, Reiki II: Oh gosh, that's such a good question and so true for someone who is used to putting everyone and everything beyond them. I think the way that I view self compassion is the journey to just knowing yourself. All parts of you, the parts that are really exciting that you love to showcase and maybe parts that you feel a little bit shameful about and want to kind of hide.
Just noticing and naming those things as an observer. I look at compassion more of just finding and learning what acceptance and mindful observing can look like. But acceptance can be so hard because there's almost this innate Notion that we have to tolerate or just deal with whatever's there, whether it's coming from within or another person.
So I think acceptance can be really difficult too, but really just starting where the person is. So, maybe that means it might be really difficult for someone to. Proclaim that they really love themselves, right? So maybe we start like a ladder. Maybe love is up here. Maybe we start with like, right? Or other, other similar feelings that work the way up to that ladder.
[00:19:19] Paige Bond, Relationship Expert: I've never heard it in that kind of construct of trying to break it down like that, like as a step by step model, but I really, really love that because if someone is experiencing so much self loathing, it's going to feel very far removed that the idea of loving themselves could be possible.
[00:19:39] Sabrina Rodorigo, LCSW, RYT-200, Reiki II: Yeah, it's kind of like, you know, if someone is really struggling with feeling intelligent and capable, if they think and if they've been told that they are dumb or they make mistakes, it's probably going to be really hard for them to jump up to like, I'm the smartest person in the world.
I'm Albert Einstein. I never make mistakes, right? Cause we don't want to take it into this grandiose layer either. We want self awareness to be there, but it's, it's step by step walking. Up a mountain and walking up that mountain gets really hard when there's a backpack full of bricks that are drama and other life experiences that kind of, you know, take us back down a few notches on that ladder mountain.
[00:20:24] Paige Bond, Relationship Expert: I'm also thinking of the concept of When people stay in relationships that are no longer serving them and how that shows up as like that resistance to acceptance.
Dealing with Resistance and Acceptance
[00:20:38] Paige Bond, Relationship Expert: How do you work with someone who is resistant to that acceptance? can you do with that?
[00:20:45] Sabrina Rodorigo, LCSW, RYT-200, Reiki II: I think it's difficult sometimes when resistance is there too because there is something that is happening in the client's life in a relationship that they are gravitated towards that relationship.
And maybe it's, subconscious, maybe it's their conscious awareness, they might not know that the that that resistance is even there. And I think it gets really delicate, right? Because as as therapists, we want to meet the client where they're at and gently challenge when necessary. But I would just really start by exploring what the significance of that relationship is, exploring how the person feels when they're with their partner or partners, how they feel when they're away, and kind of analyzing what the, the cost and risk is of staying or leaving the relationship and just naming it as there's no right or wrong answers here for this.
[00:21:44] Paige Bond, Relationship Expert: I really like that. It sounds like a process where you put the client in the driver's seat of really deciding how much risk they are willing to take by staying and how much risk they are willing to take by leaving a relationship.
[00:22:02] Sabrina Rodorigo, LCSW, RYT-200, Reiki II: Of course, and sometimes the risk might just be modifying behaviors and coping skills some or other times the person might not be a safe partner to be with where it would maybe be safer, you know, for, for the client to make that decision in their own time to have what is right for them.
But sometimes it's, it's, it's almost funny and silly to say how, when we start putting ourselves first, how that resentment piece kind of, you know, drops away when there is resistance, because sometimes I feel like humans have this habit of, Externalizing maybe the blame towards, oh, the job isn't right for me, the partner isn't right for me, this or that, when sometimes it just might be our own boundaries.
Other times, that job or partner or friend might not be right for you, and you know that, but there might be something, there might be a tether there too, right? So, I think it goes both ways. Do you agree?
[00:23:02] Paige Bond, Relationship Expert: I yeah, I totally agree and I'm so glad like you're touching on something so juicy here that I don't think many people touch on or like it goes right over their head because they think it's more externally like when we're people pleasing like the problem is external and there's also some stuff that we need to take responsibility for and so I hear that's what you're saying is that Sometimes it's, Oh, well, maybe if you acted differently in this way, it would bring a different result in this situation that you're struggling with.
Yeah.
[00:23:36] Sabrina Rodorigo, LCSW, RYT-200, Reiki II: Yeah, of course. Yeah. Provided that it's not, you know, maybe an abusive situation, of course, but yeah, I think for instance, if it's maybe someone is building resentment to I don't know, their parent for having to go to the grocery store or their partner for having to maybe pick them up somewhere or this or that when they could better be using their time, maybe, maybe that shift that just needs to happen is learning how to say no or being negotiable with whatever boundaries there and also counteracting the time that's dedicated to everyone else to hobbies and things that support and sustain them.
[00:24:13] Paige Bond, Relationship Expert: Mm hmm.
[00:24:15] Sabrina Rodorigo, LCSW, RYT-200, Reiki II: And that's not easy to do.
[00:24:17] Paige Bond, Relationship Expert: Yeah. Yeah. And I think we're getting into this territory here in this conversation where we're talking about, okay, how do we, once we get to the point where we're creating and setting those boundaries, how do we sit with the funky feelings that may come up when people don't really like that we're setting those boundaries?
[00:24:37] Sabrina Rodorigo, LCSW, RYT-200, Reiki II: Yeah, those funky pesky feelings be so multifaceted and in a big part of my personal journey was learning how to sit without emotional discomfort when I told someone no, it was so scary. And I completely validate it can be scary and fearful and upsetting and disappoint all of these emotions and one when we're starting to say no.
So I think the true work is realizing, well, what feels worse? Does it feel worse to say in that funky feeling, or does it feel worse to say yes to all of these requests that are creating resentment towards this person thing and myself. Because usually that the funky feeling is temporary and people can get over it.
Adults are fully capable of being disappointed. But we might not want to innately disappoint people because we care about them. Or the people pleaser part of us says like, well, if you disappoint others, you're a disappointment.
And that can be scary.
[00:25:41] Paige Bond, Relationship Expert: Oh, man. Yeah. And that gets me thinking about, like, when you're working with someone who's, like, in this place of struggling and maybe catastrophizing the situation for themselves, right?
They, they get the thought in their head that this is never going to end, the situation, they're never going to get out of it. And so it doesn't feel like that feeling's temporary. How do you help your clients through that who, who are really going to those extreme exaggerated places? How do you pull them back into a place where we can build hope for them?
[00:26:20] Sabrina Rodorigo, LCSW, RYT-200, Reiki II: Yeah, honestly, just naming it and walking through all of those worst case scenarios and talking them out. So maybe that looks like, you know, what is the worst thing that could happen if, if, you know, say, I know a lot of people might fear if they say no to their boss, maybe they're going to get fired, or maybe their partner will leave, there's a lot of like abandonment there that can come up, or maybe they'll be passed over for promotions or opportunities or this or that.
But just walking through all of those worst case experiences and then also pairing, visualizing, okay, if that did happen, how would you cope with it? And building up that resiliency and progressively kind of walking down that we talked about the ladder of self esteem and whatever else, but kind of walking down that mountain of, of what is the most realistic thing that could happen and where, where is the solution if there is one for it.
[00:27:12] Paige Bond, Relationship Expert: I like that. Sounds like a really simple process to bring them back down into reality, grounded in what's happening in the moment and what could likely happen.
[00:27:23] Sabrina Rodorigo, LCSW, RYT-200, Reiki II: And also kind of looking at out of all of these worst case scenarios, what is the best thing that could happen? And what's in our control?
Because the reality is nothing is really in our control except for how we respond and show up. And if fear and trauma is leading the show, then we might feel really out of control in that area too.
[00:27:44] Paige Bond, Relationship Expert: Yes. Oh, wise words. There's so many quotes from this episode that are so juicy and good. You've mentioned this self abandonment a couple of times, and I want to just see if we can dive into that.
What would you describe self abandonment is, how does it show up? Why does it show up? I have all the questions.
[00:28:06] Sabrina Rodorigo, LCSW, RYT-200, Reiki II: Yeah. So self abandonment from, from my point of view is anytime we're neglecting ourselves and choosing another person or circumstance over our own well-being. So maybe that looks like choosing to say yes to a work project or another client or something else.
Another not even work related. It can be in our family lives are personalized. Maybe choosing to say yes to a task that we know that we don't have the capacity for. We say yes anyways, or maybe not taking care of our basic needs, right? Because we wanna stay focused on working or that conversation or this or that.
So maybe not making enough time to drink water, eat, get up to go to the bathroom. I think it can go as extreme as that. I'm over here looking at my wa my water as a reminder to take a sip myself. I think anytime we maybe don't speak our truth or our mind or how we feel might not always feel safe to to do that too, but I think we self abandon in so many ways.
Ultimately, anytime we're trying to get someone else to choose us before we choose ourselves.
[00:29:27] Paige Bond, Relationship Expert: would you describe that as kind of like the, the pick me syndrome?
[00:29:32] Sabrina Rodorigo, LCSW, RYT-200, Reiki II: Yeah, definitely. I think it can be the pick me syndrome. I think so much of this too is, it's just, it's, it's subconscious. It's so deeply rooted on our patterns and behaviors from our family upbringing to how we've learned to connect and humans are hardwired for connection.
So it's not a bad thing to. Seek and want and need the pick me, but when it, that becomes too extreme where we can't pick ourselves, I think is where it gets murky.
[00:30:06] Paige Bond, Relationship Expert: Yeah. And I, I get to thinking about, you know, someone who's going along in their journey and they're setting really great boundaries and, and creating this lifestyle for themselves where they're at a point where they're usually choosing themselves over other people, but then get set back into a situation such as work, or maybe they're at a family reunion or something and all of a sudden, they're back into kind of that automatic trauma response of choosing everybody else over themselves. What do we do then when it's those certain situations that we get kind of set back into those old, not so helpful patterns?
[00:30:49] Sabrina Rodorigo, LCSW, RYT-200, Reiki II: I love that you said that, Paige, because the reality is those things can happen any day, any time despite the amount of therapy or self help books or yoga or meditation or any, anything that we do, these things are going to happen because life is really a school, right?
And, and we, we are presented different lessons all of the time. Just accepting that that is going to happen and maybe that that's okay for it to happen sometimes and not being too harsh on ourselves when we might accidentally fall into people pleasing or maybe we generally help someone because we want to, and we have the capacity to I think there's a big difference between like, I know I don't want to do this, but I'm gonna do it anyways, because there's this perceived idea I have to versus, well, I kind of maybe don't want to do this, but I could.
Right. And, yeah, I have the space to do this and help them when I want to spend my time some other way, probably, but this isn't affecting me, right? There's like different layers, I think, where we are all people pleasing in some degree throughout the day, but what point does it become dysregulating and disorder?
[00:32:02] Paige Bond, Relationship Expert: Yeah, I love that you said something about just kind of tuning into your own energetic capacity of what you can take on because sure, it may be something you not necessarily want to do or invest time into, but you see the payoff being greater than just not doing it for yourself. So, I, I really love just that paying attention, being non judgmental, and having that compassion as, like, that Safeguard for you to really determine what choices to make.
[00:32:33] Sabrina Rodorigo, LCSW, RYT-200, Reiki II: Yeah. And if you accidentally fall into that people pleasing in work or with a family member, just bringing awareness to that and knowing most of the time it's never too late to make a different decision that can serve you. Of course, there are some extreme situations where it might be too late to redact that.
Yes. Right. But we can always say, you know, Hey, I thought about it and I don't have time to take you to the airport. I'm really sorry, but I want to help you maybe figure out an alternative or or this or that.
[00:33:07] Paige Bond, Relationship Expert: Yes, and that's actually been happening for me lately in, in like scheduling these podcasts, right?
I get so excited. I want to talk to everybody. I want to have all the knowledge. I want to spread all the love to the listeners who are listening right now. And then I realized, oh, wait. I think I overcommitted and so I have to do like some reeling back myself of like really taking account for like what space do I have to be able to dedicate to these like different areas of my life.
So I'm glad you talked about it's always negotiable. It can be flexible. It doesn't have to be so rigid.
[00:33:43] Sabrina Rodorigo, LCSW, RYT-200, Reiki II: That's so powerful. And you and I were just talking about how we've both been networking more and doing more things with amazing colleagues and clinicians. And I've found myself in that boat too with all of these fun meetings that I'm super excited about.
But just noticing where is my capacity? How many meetings are too many in one day? And when do I need to reel back? And sometimes the people pleaser part pops up and that's okay. I just have to roll with it.
[00:34:09] Paige Bond, Relationship Expert: Yeah, yeah. And I, I noticed that too. Sometimes it's like, I do go a little bit past where I would like to go, but I take really, really good care of myself afterwards.
And I do something really, really nice for myself. And whether that be, you know, Okay, I am going to really take my time on making a meal for myself, I'm going to go do an enjoyable exercise instead of the darn stair stepper that might be boring sometimes, you know?
[00:34:38] Sabrina Rodorigo, LCSW, RYT-200, Reiki II: Yeah, and I think you really hit the nail on the hammer there of just really taking your time to slow down and do something for you, right?
Because we can People please all day and that might not be problematic if we're making the space and time for ourselves too, right? So I love that, that you've incorporated that awareness into your own life and practices. That's powerful.
[00:35:05] Paige Bond, Relationship Expert: It's a journey, I tell ya. Every day.
[00:35:08] Sabrina Rodorigo, LCSW, RYT-200, Reiki II: Every day. One day at a time, right? Yes.
Final Thoughts and Takeaways
[00:35:12] Paige Bond, Relationship Expert: So we've talked about so much.
We've covered so many aspects, but I'm just wondering if there's anything else that you still want listeners to know that we haven't covered yet.
[00:35:23] Sabrina Rodorigo, LCSW, RYT-200, Reiki II: Yeah, I would say that the biggest takeaway from this podcast that I hope you receive if you're listening is if you do notice that you're people pleasing, please know that you're not alone.
And it is possible to create a healthier relationship with saying yes and no to others and ways that serve you and whether it be through Creating that space of self awareness, physically and emotionally, or working deeper with someone, just know that you're not alone, and that recovery is more than possible, where you can create a life that is more aligned with what you want.
That involves saying yes to you.
[00:36:05] Paige Bond, Relationship Expert: Wise words of hope. Thank you so much for that. Okay, so if listeners are really vibing with what you got to say can you tell them where to find you and what you have going on?
[00:36:17] Sabrina Rodorigo, LCSW, RYT-200, Reiki II: Sure. I practice therapy virtually for residents in Florida, Tennessee, and South Carolina.
The best way you can reach me is clicking on my website link that I believe will be In the show notes and I offer free consultation. So if you want to just chat and see if we're the right fit for each other, please come stop by and check out any courses and content that I do have available available on my website and social media offerings.
[00:36:44] Paige Bond, Relationship Expert: Yeah you've got some really great stuff on like your Instagram that I've seen lately. What's your handle again? Just so listeners can just verbally go find you while they're listening.
[00:36:53] Sabrina Rodorigo, LCSW, RYT-200, Reiki II: @HolisticHealingWithSabrina.
[00:36:56] Paige Bond, Relationship Expert: Yes. And I love your reels. They are so great, so powerful, very action packed and good feeling.
So thank you.
[00:37:04] Sabrina Rodorigo, LCSW, RYT-200, Reiki II: Thank you. I appreciate that.
[00:37:06] Paige Bond, Relationship Expert: Yeah. All right, listeners. I'll make sure that I have all the Sabrina stuff in the show notes so you can go check her out and learn a little bit more about holistic healing and people pleasing and saying yes to yourself. Finally.
Paige Bond is an open relationship coach who specializes in helping individuals, couples, and ethically non-monogamous relationships with feeling insecure in their relationships. She is also the founder of Couples Counseling of Central Florida, the host of the Stubborn Love podcast, and the creator of the Jealousy to Joy Journey to help people pleasing millennials navigate non-monogamy.